It started in the afternoon around three — a meltdown. Frustrated tears turned into gritting teeth, growling, and finally laying face down in the living room. Mini episodes went on until 9 p.m. It was just two weeks ago but I can’t recall what the issue was that prompted it. The internet may have gone out. I said no to using Mom’s computer during work hours. I asked him to clean up after lunch.

Six hours of frustration. For Henry, who is now 26 and weighs over 210 pounds, there wasn’t much more to do but lay on the ground and scream. For me, Mom, now in her fifties and trying not to carb-load, there wasn’t much to do but circle him and ask questions. I haven’t seen an event like this since he was young, nine or ten, and then it has only happened a few times.

I thought this was one to wait out — we have been trying new combinations of medication and vitamins. I was fairly certain this was a transitory experience as his levels settled, but boy, it was a long transition. What could I do to help him, keep him safe, keep me from despair, and save the furniture?

During one of the breaks in the floor pounding I wrote this guide. Reading things in black and white always seems to help Henry process information. Typing or writing helps me. Even as I typed it out I could see the words coming to life off the page. They were very clearly not just for Henry and not just for an extended tantrum. They were for the daily growling under my breath, the hands clenched after dropping orange soda on the white tile, and the muttered “DAMN IT” at the printer jam. I went back and retitled the guide “Rules for Everyone.”

There are some specific techniques on the list that are familiar to many people with autism and sensory issues. We do EFT Tapping on our upper lip and that always seems to take things down a notch. Sensory input is very helpful. We have a huge exercise ball and a bean bag chair in the garage, and yes, my husband turned half of our garage into a man-cave-lounge for the two of them. Another technique for sensory issues is using a surgical brush on your skin. Seriously helpful. And finally, the clearings — sure, we’ve tried everything. Energy work and clearings have been a part of our lives for most of our lives. Whatever works is my motto.

By nine p.m. we were both on the couch, holding each other and reading the guide together. I gave him a copy and he put it on the fridge. He gave me a copy and I posted it on the white board in my home office. I sincerely hope this guide helps you because you are a special person and you deserve to love and care for yourself and others in a special way, especially when you are frustrated.

What to Do When You Are Frustrated. Rules for Everyone 

You CAN: 

1. Take 3 Deep Breaths. 
2. Take a time out, close your eyes. 
3. Write your upset words in your Journal or in your iPhone notes.
4. Ground yourself by Tapping.
5. Bounce on the ball in the lounge. 
6. Jump in the bean bag in the lounge. 
7. Call someone you love and talk on the phone. 
8. Take a bath with Epsom Salts. 
9. Brush your arms & legs.
10. Ask for a Clearing. 
11. Go for a swim.
12. Take a walk outside around the house.
13. Say a Prayer.

You CAN NOT: 

1. Hit yourself. 
2. Hit another person.
3. Scream. 
4. Scream at another person. 
5. Push another person. 
6. Fall down on the ground. 
7. Break furniture or things in the house. 
8. Yell bad words.

When we are frustrated we want to love and care for ourselves in a special way. It is important to ask for help when we are frustrated. If you are having a hard time asking for help then try saying something positive to yourself three times out loud, then ask for help. Try saying this three times:  

I Am a Special Person with lots of Love in my Life. 

Then this one:

I will love and care for myself and others.