Suzannah's Voice

Take Charge of Your Singlehood!

What do you do when your long-term relationship is ended by the other person? What do you do when you are looking for your next long-term relationship but all you find are people looking for serial superficial hook-ups?

Don’t take it personally. A friend recently wrote of her sour experience on a dating site, “If the least little thing bothers someone in on-line dating they can throw you away like trash.” In that case, the person has just self-identified as a jackass and has saved you precious time. Would you really want to be with someone that intolerant and unforgiving?

Don’t crawl under a rock, wounded and waiting for the other person to come back to you or come to you. Would you want to be involved with a weak, self-pitying person who can’t function on her or his own?

Live your best life, do the things you love to do that make you fully you, find new things you love to do, and trust that someone who values you will find you there, in your full, vibrant life.

Go to a gallery opening.

Go to a gallery opening.

Focus on yourself. This is your singlehood, your life, and your happiness. 

As Mary Oliver writes in her poem,The Summer Day,”

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

What’s your answer?

Bliss out to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” while you think about it.

8 replies »

  1. I love this! And it’s so true–especially about not taking things personally. I know that I’m pretty picky when it comes to online dating, but would you really want me if I’m not 100% into you anyway? Also, I’m in love with that poem snippet. I need to read the rest now.

  2. Suzannah,
    great to see women empowering women! It’s disconcerting how many people (men & women) need someone else to define them.

    I’m always telling my friends to “find a hobby” or “start giving back, by volunteering” & in doing so, they’ll be so busy they won’t think of the ‘lack’ of a partner in their life.

    Funny thing is, once people lose themselves in ‘giving’ chances are, they will more than likely ‘get back’ and end up ‘feeling found!’

  3. I find being on my own is the hardest thing ever. When my 10 year marriage ended I was completely lost. It took a year of rash choices and bad hook ups before I finally started not to care about relationships and that’s when I found my current boyfriend. So truly when you stop looking for love outside yourself that is usually when you find it.

    • Incidental Scribe, thank you for sharing your happy story here. I hope it encourages others. It reminds me of the addage “A watched pot never boils.” Here’s to a boiling-over relationship with your bf!

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