Sometimes you read something you wrote four years ago and think, “I wrote that? And I published it?” Well, honey, (as they say here in the mid-South)—yes, yes I did. It was […]
Girl Scout Cookie season is upon us, and I’m scared. A bunch of Girl Scouts formed a gang that hangs out in front of my neighborhood grocery store. As I’m heading to […]
My last Christmas letter was written a few years ago. My daughter, a freshman in high school then, read my letter and then wrote a spoof letter. When she read hers to her big brothers they laughed and laughed. I realized that my own children, who once thought the letters were special, had matured enough to know the letters were ridiculous while I, who should have long since outgrown the need to write them as a way of making myself feel better about my life, was still taking them seriously.
These days, they let anybody vote. Felons, zombies, bitches, anybody. Just look at them. So they might as well let me vote. I love the ladies. Nobody respects the ladies more. In fact, I go […]
Bananas that have even one brown spot? Off limits. Nothing that has started to ferment goes into my mouth. Wine is fermented, I say. “Yeah. You’re not drinking any wine. Or beer. Or any alcohol of any type except for potato vodka,” which was something I had never heard of, and neither have most bartenders in the world, I have since found out. “Also no chocolate, and I might as well tell you right now, no bacon, either.” You have to have a lot of guts to tell a woman she can’t have wine, chocolate, or bacon, all in one breath. Turns out this woman is ex-Navy. That explains it. Good thing she didn’t mention the prohibition of tequila right then, because I am an ex Navy wife and we might have had a throw-down.
you’re between the ages of 15 and 85 and feel you’re in your prime dog-rearing years. you think soccermoms and helicopter parents who put their children first are slackers. you’re more on top of your […]
By Susan Lilley Although this post appeared last year on this auspicious day, I still stand by this sage (if I say so myself) advice! Hope it helps the desperate, the damned, and […]
by Katherine Riegel First of all, she’s big. I mean, tall and muscled and beautiful, and we can’t see up under her jeans but we think the red boots go all the […]
1. Find unbroken stretches of time seated in a writing space. Physical Therapist: Okay, how’s the sciatica? Me: Horrible. I’m having a real setback. Physical Therapist: I thought we were making progress! What are […]
Sometimes I Wish I Didn’t Have a Dog Having sex with a Border collie in the room is really weird sometimes. Nobody wants to have sex with a dog watching. I think it’s because […]