1. Find unbroken stretches of time seated in a writing space.
Physical Therapist: Okay, how’s the sciatica?
Me: Horrible. I’m having a real setback.
Physical Therapist: I thought we were making progress! What are you doing differently?
2. Get your loved ones’ support.
Husband: Let’s go to Home Depot in twenty minutes.
Me: [sitting down stunned]
Husband: Don’t you have your book to write?
Me: How can I write at Home Depot?
3. Have faith in December’s revision.
Friend: How’s the book coming?
Me: Terrible. It’s almost finished.
Friend: How is that terrible? That’s great.
Me: It is great. The book is terrible.
4. Lower your standards. For everything.
Stepdaughter: All the in-laws are in! Thirteen for Thanksgiving!
Me: I can get Thanksgiving for thirteen at Publix, but where am I going to get a clean house?
5. Don’t take yourself seriously.
My apologies. I’d make these snappier, but I still have 17,131 words to go, ten South Africans for Thanksgiving, and this really cool dog to play with.